The Break Free Blog

Where you are not alone in Breaking Free

Ah, when you are breaking free to find freedom, maybe it would be wise not to tell everyone what your goals are. After all, how many are still in a job? This video explains all.



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You Talked Yourself Into It

Nov-18-2010 By admin

“The soul attracts that which it secretly harbours; that which it loves, and also that which it fears; it reaches the height of its cherished aspirations; it falls to the level of its unchastened desires – and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.”

“Every thought-seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind, and to take root there, produces its own, blossoming sooner or later into act, and bearing its own fruitage of opportunity and circumstance. Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit.”

So wrote one of my favourite authors, James Allen, in his wonderful essay ‘As A Man Thinketh’ at the start of the twentieth century.

In breaking free from the job market to find freedom, as in many other worthwhile endeavours, there is often only one person we can depend upon: ourselves. It makes sense as we are becoming so self dependent that we prepare ourselves for what is ahead.

A couple of days ago an article was posted here to The Break Free Blog on the subject of self-talk and I thought I would develop this important subject.

In another post, we discussed the influence of other people and how that influence can be negative as we attempt to break free. Unfortunately all too often we sabotage our own efforts by not believing in ourselves.

How can we overcome this?

The truth is, in simple terms, the mind is really a super complicated computer and we need to learn to reprogram ourselves.

Well, I have to say this is a subject I know a great deal about as I have previously struggled with my own negative thoughts as I attempt to find freedom. I have often programmed myself to fail.

It is worth knowing a little about the mind first. You will probably we have two parts of the mind: the conscious and the sub-conscious. The conscious mind is our logical, thinking mind where we consider options and make decisions. But it is the sub-conscious that is the more exciting.

The sub-conscious runs all our instinctive programs. It makes us breath and our hearts to beat. It is responsible for all our reflexes. And it processes all the influences, the stimuli, we experience in life. The sub-conscious records absolutely everything we think or experience in life.

The mind is thus like an iceberg; the conscious mind is the small amount we see and the sub-conscious the massive bulk we cannot see.
The fascinating thing is: the sub-conscious is a servant. It does everything the conscious mind tells it. It is the idiotic muscles man behind the gangster.

The important result of this for those of us going it alone is the sub-conscious cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is unreal.

How does this help us? If we tell the sub-conscious something enough times or emphasise something with enough emotion, it will believe it. History is full of examples of people believing something that is just not true. Often it is called ‘propaganda,’ other times ‘spin,’ and other times ‘advertising.’ These examples are clever people taking advantage of the sub-conscious minds of other people.

Towards the end of the Second World War, American soldiers were clearing the Japanese from Pacific islands. On at least one occasion, as the Allied ships approached, the crews could see the islanders throwing themselves off the cliffs in mass suicide. Obviously they were perplexed to see this as they meant the natives no harm The truth soon came out: the departing Japanese had convinced the islanders that the Americans were evil and would rape and kill them. Clearly they would be better off dead.

I could go on giving you hundreds of examples but I will just ask you one question: what do you know about lemmings? I think you will say ‘they throw themselves off cliff en masse.’ Actually no. That was a myth originating in a Disney movie when the lemmings were driven off the cliff as part of the plot. Yet we believe it.

Okay, so what? How does this help us break free?

We all talk to ourselves. Oh yes, we do. And to those of you who just thought ‘I don’t talk to myself,’ that is exactly what you just did.

All too often what we say to ourselves is negative; if anything goes wrong we say ‘you idiot, I knew I would do that,’ for example. That reinforces our program. Our minds say ‘I must be an idiot then so I will act like an idiot.’

So what we need to do is to start telling ourselves we can do it, we can break free, we can find freedom. And this is applicable whatever challenge you are facing.

Yeah, says who?

This is hardly earth-shattering news. Authors have written about self-talk and mind programming for years.

Not only James Allen, but David J. Schwartz has examined this in his amazing book ‘The Magic Of Thinking Big’.

“Thinking DOES make it so. The fellow who thinks he is inferior, regardless of what his real qualification may be, is inferior. For thinking regulates actions. If a man feels inferior, he acts that way, and no veneer or cover-up or bluff will hide for long this basic feeling. The person who feels he isn’t important, isn’t.

“On the other side, a fellow who really thinks he is equal to the Task, is.”

Talking to yourself in the right way is so important in competitive sport too. In many ways, sports people have a lot in common with those of us who are breaking free to find freedom.

The daughter of a good friend of mine is a case in point. Thirteen-year-old Hannah Gamage is one of the best young tennis players in Britain and has the talent to hit the highest levels. She has, however, two challenges. The first is (inevitably) financing and the second is the mental abilities the sport requires. Just watch the adult professionals playing at Wimbledon or Flushing Meadows and imagine what they must be thinking. Actually you can see what they are thinking. You can see them giving themselves a positive talking to between games. Watch them.

In one of my favourite books on sports psychology, ‘Mind Games,’ the former Olympic athlete, Sally Gunnell, explains her preparation in the call room prior to the 1992 Olympic 400 metre hurdles final.

“All the finalists are in there psyching each other out. I remember Sandra Farmer-Patrick strutting her stuff, moaning about this and that and giving me daggers. I was thinking, ‘Right, I’m in charge here.’ I would give off an aura. I don’t know how I did it, but I was just lying there with my legs up on the wall, saying I was conserving energy. Everyone else would be charging around. But I was thinking: ‘I’ve warmed up, I’ve done everything I can do. There’s nothing else that could get me prepared. I am in total control.’ This is the message I was giving out to everybody.”

Conclusion

We now know that it is essential to have control of your own mind if you want to achieve something worthwhile, such as breaking free to find freedom. Now we need to find the best ways of doing it.

This is something we will develop in a later post on this site.


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The Four Prices Of Breaking Free

Nov-11-2010 By admin

You may have realized by now that I have a lot to learn in breaking free from the job market to find freedom and I hope I will continue to do so. There is something I am learning already, however.

To find freedom you have to be prepared to pay the price.

In breaking free you will have to go against the wisdom of the majority of the population. After all, if they believed the same way more would be self dependent and going it alone.

I suppose every worthwhile goal or dream is worth that extra bit of effort and focus and breaking free to find freedom is no exception.

Earlier we explored the idea of persistence and persistence requires you to understand there is a price to pay and keep paying it until you find freedom.

So What Is The Price To Pay?

Of course the price will vary according to whatever the outcome you have chosen to pursue but there are four areas that will be affected.

1. Relationships.

Let’s get the pain out the way first. There will be people close to you who will need to understand what you are doing and why you are doing it.

I pray you have a husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend who understands you well enough to support you in breaking free. Having someone who loves you unconditionally will give you respite when things get tough. He or she will allow you to relax when it is needed.

Unfortunately I never have found someone who loves me for who I am (don’t you feel sorry for me?) but I have been extremely lucky in the second area: friendships.

Good friends who understand you are also very useful too. They are your friends whatever and accept what you are doing.

So why do I consider relationships a price?

If you are focussed on the need to find freedom, you will have less time to maintain such relationships. You will have less time for your spouse and your children and will spend less time down the pub with your friends.

It is possible you might lose a relationship as a result. I hope not but if it seems likely you may make a decision to continue or give up your dreams to maintain the relationship. I am not going to tell you what to do in that situation but I really hope it is not your spouse you have to reconsider.

A friend who does not understand may not be a friend anyway and you can make the decision to see less of that person. Be gentle and firm but keep to your course.

Much of the stress can be removed in any case by discussing it with your friends and family as you start out. Be open and make it clear why you want to break free and find freedom and ask for their support. In this way you can show you do cherish the relationship.

Point out that by investing the time in your venture now you can spend more time with them later.

And they will admire you more for being steadfast rather than giving up when it gets tough.

2. Time.

In breaking free you need to do whatever it takes to get the job done. By going it alone you can only rely on yourself so you need to commit all the time you can to ensure success.

Of course you will need time to relax and exercise but this has to be controlled to make the best use of your work time.

This all means you will have to commit time now to get it back later. It will be inconvenient. As mentioned above, you will lose time with friends and family and you will have little spare time.

You will go out less often (unless for business purposes of course) and non-essential jobs will get done less often. Does the world end if the house gets a little scruffy? No.

For the time being have laser focus on breaking free. Buy your time back.

3. Money

There will be some financial investment needed as you work to find freedom.

Do whatever it takes to chase down your goal. It will be worth understanding early on what is required and you can then plan a budget.

Be careful not to overspend on items or subscriptions not essential to your business. Become money wise and understand your priorities, as you break free. There are often ways to save money and be frugal. For example, if you are working online there is often free software to be found that save you a fortune.

Never be afraid of approaching someone already successful in your field as they might give you some free advice too.

It does mean that the money for luxuries around the home is going to reduce and perhaps the family holiday will be cancelled this year. You will need to concentrate more on your business costs.

In a meeting recently, Sir Alan Sugar asked a group of millionaires how many times they had gone bankrupt in the past. After some discussion they realized the average was 17 times each!

Now I am certainly not saying we need to go bankrupt even once but it does show their financial commitment and the cost required in breaking free.

4. Mistakes

We are brought up to be afraid of making mistakes but if you are going to do anything you are going to make mistakes. It is part of the process you go through to break free.

The price is to make the mistakes and learn by them. I guess the trick is to change them from the price to an asset. Make the mistake and turn it into an education – and try not to make the same mistake again!

Never beat yourself up or worry what others might think if you make a mistake.

Conclusion

The truth is paying the price of success makes you a better person.

It does take guts and a dream and a passion for what you are doing. By breaking free to find freedom you can change your life and those of the people around you. You will then fulfil your role in life by accepting responsibility and improving your corner of the world.

Paying the price of going it alone brings more rewards than you might think.

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true”

Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens (Archbishop of Malines-Brussels 1904 – 1996)

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Do Not Listen To The Wrong People

Nov-1-2010 By admin

Science has proved the bumblebee cannot fly. Its body is too bulky and it’s wings too small. The only thing is no one has told the bumblebee.

As a result bumblebees fly every day.

As we are breaking free from our job to find freedom, there will be many people who will tell us what we are doing is wrong, that we should ‘get a nice job’ and stop messing around. After all, ‘who do you think you are? Find freedom? Don’t make me laugh.’

If you listen to them enough you will start to believe them and you will start to believe you cannot fly. That you are wrong to break free: to find freedom.

This, of course, is a load of cobblers. Those who criticize you for going it alone are probably jealous as they did not have the nerve to do the same thing and you might show them to be weak. Disaster.

Secretly they may well be hoping you do make it so you can give them inspiration.

The truth is you would be letting yourself down and so many other people down if you did not do all you could to find freedom and lead the way for others.

Zig Ziglar called this being ‘SNIOP’d.’ SNIOP stands for Susceptible To The Negative Influence Of Others.

One man who adopted this acronym was Morris Goodman. Known as the Miracle Man, Morris was declared dead several times after a horrific airplane crash but managed through sheer strength of will to make a near complete recovery. His story inspired a book and a movie. His recovery was not easy: he had to learn to breathe, speak, eat, and walk again – indeed, all those functions we take for granted. The doctors believed it to be impossible, but not Morris.

Throughout his ordeal, Morris kept by his bed a plaque with the letters ‘SNIOP’ engraved on it. He is now an exceptional public speaker and I have been lucky enough to hear him.

In his book, Morris wrote:

“Studies show that other people’s negative expectations often become self-fulfilling prophecies – teachers, bosses, spouses, parents, doctors – they can lock you in a cage of limits. If you accept these limits, you’ll never go beyond them. But you have the key. Unlock the cage with self-confidence, and you can go as far as you desire.”

If you let those people talk you out of breaking free and you fail to become self dependent you will become like them and you will have achieved nothing. What is even worse is you will have confirmed their negative expectations, so making it even harder for the next person who tries to find freedom.

Of course you need to be able to listen to other people but make sure you know they are worth listening to and you will feel in your heart if they are sincere. Understand their achievements: have they managed to break free? Have they managed to find freedom? Have they got your best interests at heart?

There will be friends who truly are friends. They may not understand what you are doing but will wish you well anyway, encourage you to do your best and believe in you.

If your ‘friends’ demonstrate they do not support you in breaking free, don’t be rude, just smile, thank them and walk away. If necessary spend less time with them until you can show enough success that their opinions no longer count.

And do you know what? Those same critics will see you break free and find freedom and then say ‘I always knew you could do it.’

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